Chapter Eighteen
It was well after midnight. The rain had not let up and was splashing against the windows in Jaiden's hotel room.
Her breathing was calm; her body warm; her arms wrapped around Michael.
She was lying in the fetal position; curled up with her head on Michael's chest. He was stretched out on her bed and his fingers were playing with her wavy hair.
Each time he'd lift a strand of her hair, a waft of honey smell would rise to his nose.
He brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers.
He watched her body rise and fall with each breath. And every once in a while, he would whisper a reassuring "I'm here, Jaiden. I'm not going anywhere."
Jaiden was sound asleep and dreaming. She was dreaming of being in the ocean.
She was floating freely. The sky was blue. The water was calm. The air smelled like salt and the sun felt warm on her body.
Her eyes were closed as she floated blissfully and she didn't need to look at her body to know she was naked.
The gentle ripples of water tickled her toes and the warm breeze felt good on her skin.
She had felt as though she was floating all on her own, until she sensed something caressing her lower back and something else caressing the back of her head.
She opened her eyes to see Michael standing in the water with her.
He too was naked. His arms under her --one hand supporting her lower back and one supporting her head.
He wasn't going to let her sink. He was there as a gentle support --to let her know she wasn't alone.
"I'm here, Jaiden."
The words were so clear.
Jaiden stirred as she realized the words had woken her.
She turned her head and looked up at the most beautiful face looking down at her.
"Michael... you were holding me." she whispered, still not fully awake.
"I'm still holding you. I never stopped." he said to her softly.
"I know." she smiled as she untucked her arms from around his body and reached her right hand up to touch the side of his face.
She then touched his hair. It was damp.
Feeling that woke her completely.
"You are still wet. You must be so chilled from being out in that cold rain." she said without thinking.
MIchael's face changed somewhat as he looked at her questioningly.
"How did you know I was out in the rain?" he asked her.
Jaiden realized her mistake and thought quickly.
"Because your hair is wet. And your jacket was wet earlier." she said.
"Oh. Okay. Yes, I was out looking for you." Michael said back.
"Are you cold?" Jaiden sat up and touched his hands to see if they were warm.
"I'm okay now. My clothes are just a bit damp, but it's not too bad." he said.
"You should go change. Get out of these damp clothes." Jaiden said to him.
"Are you asking me to leave?" Michael kidded.
Suddenly Jaiden remembered why she had been so hurt all day. How could she have let her guard down??
"No. You seem to be good at leaving all on your own." she said as she got up from the bed and walked toward the window and watched the rain spitting at the glass.
There it was again. That coldness Michael had felt the night before.
He got off the bed and went over to where Jaiden was standing.
"I'm sorry about that, Jaiden." he said as he placed his hand on her arm.
"I didn't want to leave, but I had to..." he said.
"No you didn't. I don't believe for one second that you left because you had to work early in the morning." Jaiden said, then turned around and stared at him in a way that seemed like she was daring him to confess the truth.
And of course she was right. Leaving had nothing to do with work. It was now or never.
Michael had to try to explain to Jaiden why he had really left so abruptly the night before.
He looked at Jaiden, who was standing in front of him with her arms folded across her chest.
She looked angry and hurt and confused all at the same time.
He was just about to speak when she walked across the room and over to the desk.
She stood there for a moment. Then uncrossed her arms and her one hand ran along the edge of the desk. She wasn't facing Michael, but he could tell she had something to say.
"Michael... It hurt so much when you left. I don't understand why you did." she moved her hand to the top of the desk as she kept talking.
"I really don't believe you left because of work. I don't know why you....I mean....right when we were so close to...." she turned to face him and took in a deep breath.
"Michael, I thought we were going to make love again. And I know you wanted me." she said as she looked down almost shyly.
Jaiden was afraid to say what she had to say next. But if she didn't ask, it would just eat at her.
She looked up at Michael once again. He stood by the window in his damp and now very wrinkled clothes. He was being so respectful by letting her say everything she needed to say, but she wasn't at all sure how he would react to what she had to ask next. And the mere thought of his reply made her feel instantly unwell.
"I want to ask you something. No. That's not true. I don't want to ask you. I HAVE to ask you." she began.
"What is it, Jaiden?" Michael said as he began to walk toward her, sensing that she would be okay with it if he did.
"When you.... after you left here...." Jaiden swallowed to try to get rid of the lump in her throat before she continued.
"Michael, I know we never have discussed us being, you know, being 'us'. What I mean is, when you left...did you leave because you were going to meet with another woman?"
There. She let it out. Normally letting out feelings feels good. Like a relief. Not this time.
Jaiden wished the clock would magically scroll back sixty seconds so she could not ask Michael what she just did.
Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe not knowing, as painful as it was, was better than finding out that he had indeed left to meet with a woman.
To put his hands on another woman. To put his mouth on another woman. To touch and kiss and torture another woman like he had with her...
Her legs felt weak out of fear just thinking about it, and she had to hang on to the desk for support. Michael was being so quiet. The silence was killing her.
Then slowly he began to move toward her until his body was up against hers.
Michael's hand touched Jaiden's hand that was on the desk. He ran his hand up her arm and over her shoulder and gently put her hair behind her ear.
He leaned in and kissed her neck.
He moved up and kissed her jawline and then her ear.
Jaiden closed her eyes and tilted her head to expose more of her neck.
"Jaiden...." he whispered into her ear before kissing it again.
"Do you not know what you do to me? Do you not understand how much I want you?" he kissed her jawline again and ran his tongue down her neck.
"Can't you feel it? Can't you feel how much I want you?" Michael raised his head and looked at Jaiden with intense eyes that were unmistakably filled with desire.
Jaiden's legs felt weak again, but this time in a good way.
"I can feel it. But I guess...." she began to try to explain some more, but kept losing her concentration as she looked at who was Michael biting his lip and then licking it.
That was a habit of his that she thoroughly enjoyed watching.
"Uhm, I guess it's because, we never said we weren't seeing other people. And so, if you were... I mean, if you were going to meet with a woman, then... I know it's none of my business." she said as she tried to back away a bit as the feelings of fear and hurt began to rise to the surface again.
Michael felt her try to pull away. He ran his fingers down the side of her upper body and then opened his hand fully to run it the rest of the way down the outside of her thigh and then up toward her buttocks.
Once his hand was there, he pulled her up against his body again as his other hand gently held the side of her face.
"I wasn't leaving to see another woman. The woman I wanted was already with me." he said as he looked at her delicious mouth and then into her eyes.
"Jaiden, I only want you." he said as his thumb caressed her cheek and his body edged impossibly closer.
Jaiden could feel his body pressed against her and his one hand on her buttocks. The feelings stirring in her were driving her mad, but he still hadn't explained why he left.
"Why did you leave? If you wanted me, why did you not stay, hmmm?" she said as she began to run her hands up Michael's back and toward his short, curly hair that she loved to play with.
Michael let out a huge sigh.
"I left BECAUSE I wanted you."
Jaiden's hands stopped moving and she pulled her head back and looked at Michael with a deeply confused expression.
"You left 'because' you wanted me?" she asked.
This was the moment Michael was dreading. How could he explain this without sounding completely nuts?
He pulled away from Jaiden and turned around so he wasn't facing her. If he was going to do his best to try to explain it to her, it would be much easier --and less distracting-- if he couldn't feel her breasts against his chest.
"I have never felt like this before. The feelings are so strong; so intense. They sometimes scare me." he said.
"I want you sooo much. I want you when I'm falling asleep and I want you when I wake up. God, I want you when I'm supposed to be working."
Jaiden sat down on the edge of the desk and listened as Michael did the best he could to tell her why he suddenly left in the midst of their passion the night before.
"You don't understand. This is fairly new to me. All of this, really." he said.
Jaiden's eyes widened as she looked at him.
"You don't mean you were a... that you had never, uhmmm...." she said in a tone conveying extreme curiosity.
"No, no. I don't mean that. I mean the whole thing. Us. All of it. Everything I am feeling. And I'm scared, Jaiden." he said as he turned and looked out the window and sighed another big sigh before speaking again.
"I love spending time with you. I love hearing about your family and listening to you talk about how your mom's cooking is the best in the world. I love hearing you boast about your dad and his musical side and about how much you love your brother." Michael said as he turned to face her again.
"But I especially love seeing that amazing, beautiful smile appear on your face when you talk about a photograph you took that day or right after you've taken a photograph and captured a moment you never want to forget."
Jaiden was listening to every single word Michael was saying, but so far, none of it made sense. If he wanted her that night and if he loves spending time with her, then why did he walk away and leave her feeling like he really didn't want to be there at all?
"God. I know none of this makes any sense. But I guess what I am trying to say is.....I left last night because if I would have stayed, we would have wound up naked and not talking much."
Jaiden cocked her head to the side and gave Michael a very strange look.
"Aaaand, the problem with that would have been??" she asked.
"The fact that we wouldn't have been talking much." he said back to her.
Jaiden shook her head.
"I am trying to understand this. I am. But, I just don't." she said.
"Jaiden, I think you are incredible. I love how I feel when I'm with you. But I want to make sure that how I feel when I'm with you is, well, is more than just --lust. Desire. I want to be sure that what you and I have can be something more. Something good."
Michael was doing the best he could to explain it all.
"So, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't make love to you again until I was sure." Michael grimaced as he finished saying everything to Jaiden. He was worried.
Had any of that made sense?
Was she angry?
Or what if she laughed? No. She wouldn't do that.
He was just freaking out.
But why was she looking at him like that?
What was she thinking now after all he had said? He honestly could not read her face and it was worrying him further.
"Michael, after what you just said to me, after everything you just shared, I am supposed to NOT walk over to you right now, undress you and kiss every inch of you?" she said as she slowly moved toward him.
Her hips swayed from side to side as she made her way closer. Michael could see the look in her eyes.
She wanted him.
And despite himself, he could feel himself stirring.
He studied her form --her hips and her thighs tucked so sexily into the pencil skirt she had on. Her breasts peeking out of her v-neck, cashmere sweater. Her legs were bare, as were her feet.
Michael looked up at her face --barely a stitch of make up, yet she was stunning. Her hair was loose and her waves fell carelessly over her shoulders.
Her lips were always moist, but right now they had a glow about them and as he looked at them, Jaiden licked them with that magical tongue of hers.
Michael stood there frozen. Helpless. Jaiden stopped directly in front of him and looked him in the eyes.
She then looked down to his chest, then to his waist, then down, down all the way to his feet and then her eyes made their way slowly back up to meet his eyes again after checking him out thoroughly.
Jaiden raised one eyebrow and she took both sides of the front of his shirt and pulled him closer to her so that his face was inches from hers.
Michael closed his eyes and prepared himself --but what happened next was not what he expected.
Jaiden's face moved closer to his and closer still. And then --she kissed his nose and wrapped her arms around him and laughed a blissfully happy laugh.
"Michael, you are incredible. Do you know that??" she said as she squeezed him with a giant hug.
Yes. Incredible.
What's incredible, Michael thought, is that he had been seconds away from wanting to break his promise to himself.
Instead, he was wrapped up in an embrace with a woman whom he really cared about and a woman he knew appreciated what he had to say to her.
Jaiden wasn't just any woman. She was special.
And the more time Michael spent with her, the more he realized that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Her breathing was calm; her body warm; her arms wrapped around Michael.
She was lying in the fetal position; curled up with her head on Michael's chest. He was stretched out on her bed and his fingers were playing with her wavy hair.
Each time he'd lift a strand of her hair, a waft of honey smell would rise to his nose.
He brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers.
He watched her body rise and fall with each breath. And every once in a while, he would whisper a reassuring "I'm here, Jaiden. I'm not going anywhere."
Jaiden was sound asleep and dreaming. She was dreaming of being in the ocean.
She was floating freely. The sky was blue. The water was calm. The air smelled like salt and the sun felt warm on her body.
Her eyes were closed as she floated blissfully and she didn't need to look at her body to know she was naked.
The gentle ripples of water tickled her toes and the warm breeze felt good on her skin.
She had felt as though she was floating all on her own, until she sensed something caressing her lower back and something else caressing the back of her head.
She opened her eyes to see Michael standing in the water with her.
He too was naked. His arms under her --one hand supporting her lower back and one supporting her head.
He wasn't going to let her sink. He was there as a gentle support --to let her know she wasn't alone.
"I'm here, Jaiden."
The words were so clear.
Jaiden stirred as she realized the words had woken her.
She turned her head and looked up at the most beautiful face looking down at her.
"Michael... you were holding me." she whispered, still not fully awake.
"I'm still holding you. I never stopped." he said to her softly.
"I know." she smiled as she untucked her arms from around his body and reached her right hand up to touch the side of his face.
She then touched his hair. It was damp.
Feeling that woke her completely.
"You are still wet. You must be so chilled from being out in that cold rain." she said without thinking.
MIchael's face changed somewhat as he looked at her questioningly.
"How did you know I was out in the rain?" he asked her.
Jaiden realized her mistake and thought quickly.
"Because your hair is wet. And your jacket was wet earlier." she said.
"Oh. Okay. Yes, I was out looking for you." Michael said back.
"Are you cold?" Jaiden sat up and touched his hands to see if they were warm.
"I'm okay now. My clothes are just a bit damp, but it's not too bad." he said.
"You should go change. Get out of these damp clothes." Jaiden said to him.
"Are you asking me to leave?" Michael kidded.
Suddenly Jaiden remembered why she had been so hurt all day. How could she have let her guard down??
"No. You seem to be good at leaving all on your own." she said as she got up from the bed and walked toward the window and watched the rain spitting at the glass.
There it was again. That coldness Michael had felt the night before.
He got off the bed and went over to where Jaiden was standing.
"I'm sorry about that, Jaiden." he said as he placed his hand on her arm.
"I didn't want to leave, but I had to..." he said.
"No you didn't. I don't believe for one second that you left because you had to work early in the morning." Jaiden said, then turned around and stared at him in a way that seemed like she was daring him to confess the truth.
And of course she was right. Leaving had nothing to do with work. It was now or never.
Michael had to try to explain to Jaiden why he had really left so abruptly the night before.
He looked at Jaiden, who was standing in front of him with her arms folded across her chest.
She looked angry and hurt and confused all at the same time.
He was just about to speak when she walked across the room and over to the desk.
She stood there for a moment. Then uncrossed her arms and her one hand ran along the edge of the desk. She wasn't facing Michael, but he could tell she had something to say.
"Michael... It hurt so much when you left. I don't understand why you did." she moved her hand to the top of the desk as she kept talking.
"I really don't believe you left because of work. I don't know why you....I mean....right when we were so close to...." she turned to face him and took in a deep breath.
"Michael, I thought we were going to make love again. And I know you wanted me." she said as she looked down almost shyly.
Jaiden was afraid to say what she had to say next. But if she didn't ask, it would just eat at her.
She looked up at Michael once again. He stood by the window in his damp and now very wrinkled clothes. He was being so respectful by letting her say everything she needed to say, but she wasn't at all sure how he would react to what she had to ask next. And the mere thought of his reply made her feel instantly unwell.
"I want to ask you something. No. That's not true. I don't want to ask you. I HAVE to ask you." she began.
"What is it, Jaiden?" Michael said as he began to walk toward her, sensing that she would be okay with it if he did.
"When you.... after you left here...." Jaiden swallowed to try to get rid of the lump in her throat before she continued.
"Michael, I know we never have discussed us being, you know, being 'us'. What I mean is, when you left...did you leave because you were going to meet with another woman?"
There. She let it out. Normally letting out feelings feels good. Like a relief. Not this time.
Jaiden wished the clock would magically scroll back sixty seconds so she could not ask Michael what she just did.
Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe not knowing, as painful as it was, was better than finding out that he had indeed left to meet with a woman.
To put his hands on another woman. To put his mouth on another woman. To touch and kiss and torture another woman like he had with her...
Her legs felt weak out of fear just thinking about it, and she had to hang on to the desk for support. Michael was being so quiet. The silence was killing her.
Then slowly he began to move toward her until his body was up against hers.
Michael's hand touched Jaiden's hand that was on the desk. He ran his hand up her arm and over her shoulder and gently put her hair behind her ear.
He leaned in and kissed her neck.
He moved up and kissed her jawline and then her ear.
Jaiden closed her eyes and tilted her head to expose more of her neck.
"Jaiden...." he whispered into her ear before kissing it again.
"Do you not know what you do to me? Do you not understand how much I want you?" he kissed her jawline again and ran his tongue down her neck.
"Can't you feel it? Can't you feel how much I want you?" Michael raised his head and looked at Jaiden with intense eyes that were unmistakably filled with desire.
Jaiden's legs felt weak again, but this time in a good way.
"I can feel it. But I guess...." she began to try to explain some more, but kept losing her concentration as she looked at who was Michael biting his lip and then licking it.
That was a habit of his that she thoroughly enjoyed watching.
"Uhm, I guess it's because, we never said we weren't seeing other people. And so, if you were... I mean, if you were going to meet with a woman, then... I know it's none of my business." she said as she tried to back away a bit as the feelings of fear and hurt began to rise to the surface again.
Michael felt her try to pull away. He ran his fingers down the side of her upper body and then opened his hand fully to run it the rest of the way down the outside of her thigh and then up toward her buttocks.
Once his hand was there, he pulled her up against his body again as his other hand gently held the side of her face.
"I wasn't leaving to see another woman. The woman I wanted was already with me." he said as he looked at her delicious mouth and then into her eyes.
"Jaiden, I only want you." he said as his thumb caressed her cheek and his body edged impossibly closer.
Jaiden could feel his body pressed against her and his one hand on her buttocks. The feelings stirring in her were driving her mad, but he still hadn't explained why he left.
"Why did you leave? If you wanted me, why did you not stay, hmmm?" she said as she began to run her hands up Michael's back and toward his short, curly hair that she loved to play with.
Michael let out a huge sigh.
"I left BECAUSE I wanted you."
Jaiden's hands stopped moving and she pulled her head back and looked at Michael with a deeply confused expression.
"You left 'because' you wanted me?" she asked.
This was the moment Michael was dreading. How could he explain this without sounding completely nuts?
He pulled away from Jaiden and turned around so he wasn't facing her. If he was going to do his best to try to explain it to her, it would be much easier --and less distracting-- if he couldn't feel her breasts against his chest.
"I have never felt like this before. The feelings are so strong; so intense. They sometimes scare me." he said.
"I want you sooo much. I want you when I'm falling asleep and I want you when I wake up. God, I want you when I'm supposed to be working."
Jaiden sat down on the edge of the desk and listened as Michael did the best he could to tell her why he suddenly left in the midst of their passion the night before.
"You don't understand. This is fairly new to me. All of this, really." he said.
Jaiden's eyes widened as she looked at him.
"You don't mean you were a... that you had never, uhmmm...." she said in a tone conveying extreme curiosity.
"No, no. I don't mean that. I mean the whole thing. Us. All of it. Everything I am feeling. And I'm scared, Jaiden." he said as he turned and looked out the window and sighed another big sigh before speaking again.
"I love spending time with you. I love hearing about your family and listening to you talk about how your mom's cooking is the best in the world. I love hearing you boast about your dad and his musical side and about how much you love your brother." Michael said as he turned to face her again.
"But I especially love seeing that amazing, beautiful smile appear on your face when you talk about a photograph you took that day or right after you've taken a photograph and captured a moment you never want to forget."
Jaiden was listening to every single word Michael was saying, but so far, none of it made sense. If he wanted her that night and if he loves spending time with her, then why did he walk away and leave her feeling like he really didn't want to be there at all?
"God. I know none of this makes any sense. But I guess what I am trying to say is.....I left last night because if I would have stayed, we would have wound up naked and not talking much."
Jaiden cocked her head to the side and gave Michael a very strange look.
"Aaaand, the problem with that would have been??" she asked.
"The fact that we wouldn't have been talking much." he said back to her.
Jaiden shook her head.
"I am trying to understand this. I am. But, I just don't." she said.
"Jaiden, I think you are incredible. I love how I feel when I'm with you. But I want to make sure that how I feel when I'm with you is, well, is more than just --lust. Desire. I want to be sure that what you and I have can be something more. Something good."
Michael was doing the best he could to explain it all.
"So, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't make love to you again until I was sure." Michael grimaced as he finished saying everything to Jaiden. He was worried.
Had any of that made sense?
Was she angry?
Or what if she laughed? No. She wouldn't do that.
He was just freaking out.
But why was she looking at him like that?
What was she thinking now after all he had said? He honestly could not read her face and it was worrying him further.
"Michael, after what you just said to me, after everything you just shared, I am supposed to NOT walk over to you right now, undress you and kiss every inch of you?" she said as she slowly moved toward him.
Her hips swayed from side to side as she made her way closer. Michael could see the look in her eyes.
She wanted him.
And despite himself, he could feel himself stirring.
He studied her form --her hips and her thighs tucked so sexily into the pencil skirt she had on. Her breasts peeking out of her v-neck, cashmere sweater. Her legs were bare, as were her feet.
Michael looked up at her face --barely a stitch of make up, yet she was stunning. Her hair was loose and her waves fell carelessly over her shoulders.
Her lips were always moist, but right now they had a glow about them and as he looked at them, Jaiden licked them with that magical tongue of hers.
Michael stood there frozen. Helpless. Jaiden stopped directly in front of him and looked him in the eyes.
She then looked down to his chest, then to his waist, then down, down all the way to his feet and then her eyes made their way slowly back up to meet his eyes again after checking him out thoroughly.
Jaiden raised one eyebrow and she took both sides of the front of his shirt and pulled him closer to her so that his face was inches from hers.
Michael closed his eyes and prepared himself --but what happened next was not what he expected.
Jaiden's face moved closer to his and closer still. And then --she kissed his nose and wrapped her arms around him and laughed a blissfully happy laugh.
"Michael, you are incredible. Do you know that??" she said as she squeezed him with a giant hug.
Yes. Incredible.
What's incredible, Michael thought, is that he had been seconds away from wanting to break his promise to himself.
Instead, he was wrapped up in an embrace with a woman whom he really cared about and a woman he knew appreciated what he had to say to her.
Jaiden wasn't just any woman. She was special.
And the more time Michael spent with her, the more he realized that.
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